Missing Pieces
by BlueHeeler
Summary: Some of the personal/emotional scenes in the finale were to short and there was such a big gap between where we were left, and MK married and expecting their first child. This fic extends a couple of scenes from the finale that I wish were longer and takes a quick trip past the finale to see what would have happened. MK with a few chunks of Dutchy. Repost from another forum.
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Notes: Set onboard the cruiser containing caesium that Kate and Dutchy were tasked to sail back to port. Did anyone else wonder what would have happended if Kate stayed to talk to Dutchy instead of walking off? Well I did, so I started writing this story here..._

_This chapter is a bit long, but I didn't want to take anything out or split it in two. I hope you enjoy...All feedback welcome._

* * *

Chapter One – Dutchy and Kate

"You know I get the impression that the boss gave us this steaming party to keep me off the ship." Kate said, looking intently at Dutchy. She had seen him having a word with Mike earlier in the day and ever since they had come back on board she had felt the increased tension between her and Mike.

"Yeah, I may have let the cat out of the bag about..."

"Why on earth would you do that?" Kate looked shocked at Dutchy but it confirmed her suspicions. She knew that Mike, now knowing about the proposal, was going to ask questions. Questions she wasn't ready for. She had barely had time to process it herself, and she knew Mike would make it more confusing.

"He's out commanding officer Kate, he deserved a heads up. And also, because I know you had feelings for each other"

Thinking about her reply, Kate sighed deeply: "His career is really important to him, and I pulled the pin because I didn't want to get in the way of that. I don't think it's fair to force him to make a choice." Not wanting to entertain the conversation about her love life any further, Kate turned around moving towards the door and walking off the bridge.

"So you chose for him." Dutchy replied somewhat angrily.

* * *

Kate charged back into the bridge, oblivious to the fact that he was baiting her into the conversation. "Yeah, I chose for him, but he didn't exactly complain, so just stay out if it next time OK?" Kate stated more than asked as she turned to head back down to the lower decks. This was not a conversation she wanted to have at all, least of all with Dutchy.

"Really?" Dutchy called out retrieving Kate's attention and stopping her from leaving again, "Because I remember him trying to talk to you and you brushing him off." Dutchy said a little more aggressively than he meant to while Kate looked at him slightly confused. "Not long after your promotion didn't come though, he was trying to talk to you, remember? Something about dinner or a drink and you fobbed him off." Dutchy said in a slightly calmer tone as Kate realised what he was talking about.

"Dutchy...I couldn't..It wouldn't have helped. I couldn't tell him why, I mean...It's complicated." Kate stumbled out in response taking her seat back next to Dutchy.

"Yeah, well, I kind of figured that it was complicated," Dutchy chuckled trying to lighten the mood, "and now you have this other bloke proposing to you. Look, I can see you are trying to figure all this out on your own, but right now there is nothing but you, me, some caesium and the ocean. We've got a couple of hours before where back in port, so if you want to talk, you've got a captive audience." Dutchy offered, half curious to find out the truth, half just wanting to help.

"Why, because you are such an expert on relationships?" Kate asked with a deadly serious tone. Dutchy shrugged. He decided to let it go and go back to staring at the ocean when he looked over at Kate one last time and saw the wry smile on her face.

"That genuinely hurts X." Dutchy said feigning being hurt before they both chucked. "OK, it's a fair point, and the caesium would probably give better advice, but it would also give you radiation burns and God knows what else. I'm here if you want to talk, that's all." Dutchy leant back in his chair, half facing the ocean, half facing Kate. If she wasn't going to talk he didn't want to force her. He had tried, and besides, talking to his XO about her and his CO's forbidden love life wasn't exactly in his comfort zone.

Kate sat for a minute thinking. She knew that talking to another crew member about this was a bad idea, but she needed to talk to someone, and Dutchy was the only one who had actually bothered, or had the guts to ask her. He was also the only one that she knew of that knew about her and Mike. As Kate weighed up the pros and cons of this conversation she started fidgeting. She took her cap off her DPNU's, fiddled with the back of it for a while before re-attaching it to her uniform. Leaving her cap alone, she took off her head set to rest around her neck, before reaching for the cap again when she realized she needed to talk to someone about it all. She had to bite the bullet.

"If we are going to have this conversation there are going to be some ground rules." Kate said seriously turning to Dutchy, "Firstly, if any of this gets out, there will be serious repercussions. And I'm not talking Navy approved discipline actions, I mean _serious_ repercussions. If you don't believe me, you can ask 2Dads what his punishment was for rumour mongering."

"Yes Ma'am," Dutchy said with a certain amount of cockiness to his voice.

"Secondly, if we are going to talk about my love life we can drop the formality. No Ma'am or X, let's just stick with Kate and see how we go."

"Fair enough." Dutchy said and then waited for Kate to start talking. He saw her take a few deep breaths in and each time it looked like she was about to say something she stopped, as if she had lost the ability to talk. "You know, I hear the beginning is a pretty good place to start." Dutchy offered by way of encouragement which only made Kate start laughing.

"Dutchy, if I'm going to start at the beginning, we're going to need to take a longer route back." Kate said looking to Dutchy who was both amused and confused by her reaction. Kate regained her composure before nervously speaking again. "Do you or any of the crew know that the Boss, I mean, Mike and I knew each other before I was posted to Hammersley?" She asked glancing sideways at Dutchy to gauge his response.

"You're kidding? How long have you two known each other?" Dutchy asked surprised at the way the conversation was starting out.

"About ten years now." Kate admitted while Dutchy tried not to fall off his chair.

"You're kidding right? You two have been going on like this for ten years?" Dutchy asked completely stunned.

"Well sort of." Kate offered before managing to look at Dutchy and she realised he needed an explanation. "Back then we were, well, it was short-lived but intense and not entirely by the rules." Kate explained. She knew she didn't have to give him all the details, he was cluey enough to fill in the blanks. "And he left. He had just been given his first command, and he left. He just up and left, without a word."

"Hammersley?" Dutchy asked as Kate nodded.

"I didn't hear a thing from him for five years, then I was given my orders to serve as his XO. By the time I found out whose ship I was on it was too late to do anything about it so I just had to suck it up." Kate said pausing before continuing. "We both got pretty good at pretending nothing was going on, I think we may have even convinced ourselves at some point, but then we reached a point where we couldn't really pretend anymore." Kate suddenly felt shy, uncomfortable and unsure of how to continue, so she fell silent.

As the silence dragged on Dutchy realised he was going to have to coax the rest of the story out of her, "Well, what happened?" he encouraged her, "You can't leave it there."

"He ran into a burning building to save me. Well, burning scaffolding anyway, but it was well and truly on fire, there were explosions of fuel everywhere and he ran into the fire to save me. When I came to, all I could see was him. Sort of hard to pretend that you don't have feelings for each other after something like that happens." Kate said looking at Dutchy a little sheepishly. She wasn't exactly embarrassed, if anything if was a relief to get it off her chest, but she couldn't help feeling like a bit of a school-girl. Here she was, 36 years old, an Lieutenant and Executive Officer in the RAN, and she was talking to her Bosun about her romantic woes.

"Nothing happened while he was on the ship, we just couldn't hide from our feelings, or each other anymore. Then, actually I think it was just after you joined us, he got his promotion and the shore posting and..." Kate said taking a deep cleansing breath allowing Dutchy to take in everything he had just heard.

"But that was only for a couple of weeks, and we were out at sea the whole time." Dutchy said trying to remember back to when he first joined Hammersley.

"Not the whole time..." Kate said staring determinedly out to the ocean, "We were in port for one night." She added very quietly refusing to look at Dutchy. Talking about feelings was one thing, talking about the night she slept with their now CO was something that didn't require eye contact.

Dutchy only needed a few seconds to figure out what that meant and part of him couldn't help but be slightly amused at the predicament she was in back then. "Ahhhh...You must have been spinning out when he came back as the CO." He said with a bit of a chuckle which seemed to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, that's one way to put it." Kate said with her own chuckle before continuing. "We went into this sort of ridiculous relationship-in-waiting type of thing, it was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks until a new CO was found. But then a few weeks turned into a few months and he wasn't exactly disappointed in being back on Hammersley, so I spelt it out for him. I told him exactly what I wanted and that I was fed up with waiting." Kate said looking at Dutchy before continuing, "But nothing changed and he was still our CO on our next patrol."

"I'm guessing it's about then that you were applying to transfer off the ship?" Dutchy asked remembering how Kate was that night in the bar, unhappy and angry.

"Yeah, about then. I'd had enough and I gave up. I couldn't go on anymore. There were too many mixed messages from him. In the end, I made a snap judgment of him based on a misunderstanding that resulted in me dropping his calls and him ending up in the hands of Cavanaugh." Shaking her head and remembering those terrible 24 hours she continued. "Cavanaugh, Gorski, and, well, you know the rest." Kate trailed off, again wondering why she was telling all of this to Dutchy.

"Actually Ma'am...sorry, _Kate_, no I don't. How do you go from Cavanaugh, Gorski and breaking the rules to the ginger-ninja and a relationship that is apparently so serious he is proposing?" Dutchy asked confused. Knowing the back story helped him to understand some of what had happened last year, but he had no idea how things had turned south so quickly.

"Ginger-ninja? Seriously, that's what you're going to call him?" Kate asked raising an eye-brow in Dutchy's direction.

"Sorry, been storing that one up for a while. I promise, no more shots at him. He seems like a decent enough bloke, I just don't understand what happened." Dutchy said still trying to get to the heart of what was going on.

"After Gorski, we started talking about us and what we really wanted. We even planned a holiday," Kate paused and looked back to Dutchy, "Yes, Tahiti." She confirmed as Dutchy nodded in response. Kate was over the awkwardness of the conversation now and turned away from the ocean to face Dutchy as she spoke. "We were just waiting for my promotion to come through. I'd take command of Hammersley and he would be back at Navcom. But then the promotion didn't come through and Fleet Command ordered that he stay on as CO for another 12 months." Kate sighed before continuing. "Difference was this time, he wasn't happy to be staying on. He went directly to fleet command threatened to resign if he did not get his shore posting back."

Dutchy had been resting back in his chair, but hearing this he sprang forward in shock. "He threatened to resign? Talk about a bold move, he loves the Navy." Was all Dutchy could manage. He was beginning to realise how deep their connection really was – they were both dedicated to the Navy, so to break the rules, even if it only was once, was a big deal. But for Mike to threaten to resign, this was much deeper than he imagined, and for it to have been going on for ten years? Dutchy just couldn't imagine what they had both been through.

"I know, and that's what she reminded me. What if he left and it didn't work out? Or what if he kept pushing and fleet command looked into why he wanted the transfer so badly? It wouldn't be that hard for them to figure it out, and while it may not look great for me and I'd probably be a Lieutenant forever, they would kick him out. You know what the part that really sucks is? Apart from Gorski's boat, we technically didn't break the rules once." Almost unable to control her tears that had started forming she turned around and looked out to sea, not wanting Dutchy to see her pain.

At first Dutchy wasn't sure how to respond. As he processed every word that Kate had just spoken he realized something else needed explaining. "Wait, who is _she_?" He asked. As he did, Kate dropped her head to her hands and for the first time refused to answer. "She?" Dutchy repeated trying to think of all possible options, but could only think of one. "Commander White? Did she pull you up over this? How did that even work, she pulled the two of you aside at Navcom to have a heart to heart about your love lives?"

"It wasn't the two of us." Kate whispered, head still in her hands.

Dutchy took a moment again to consider what she was saying. "She pulled you up on your own? So I'm guessing it wasn't a heart to heart as much as a threat. The boss must have hit the roof..." Dutchy was about to continue as Kate cut him off.

"He doesn't know, and he's not going to." Kate said looking Dutchy in the eye, "The two of them have enough issues to sort through, they don't need another one."

"Ryan." Dutchy said slumping back in his chair. "They have a son together, which means that they once...and now you and he, he was prepared to quit, she threatened you, so you ended it." Dutchy began to rub his forehead as he closed his eyes, "This is doing my head in."

"How do you think I feel?" Kate said offering a slight smirk to try and lighten the mood. "Now do you see the appeal of the ginger-ninja? There are no rules about us being together, he doesn't make me guess how he feels, he makes me laugh, he makes a killer chocolate mousse, and we want the same things."

"And what things are they?" Dutchy asked intrigued to see where this was leading.

"Don't laugh," Kate warned trying to give Dutchy her best XO look. Dutchy adopted a serious face and urged her to continue, "I want a family." Kate admitted, "Marriage, kids, a home with a white picket fence, maybe even a pet. I want the whole deal. He wants the same things, and he wants them with me."

"Firstly that's nothing to laugh at. Even I've thought about having a family someday. Secondly, how do you know the boss doesn't want the same things?" Dutchy was well past the point of wondering if it was a good idea to have this conversation. It was definitely a bad idea, but they were past the point of no return now.

"Because when I asked him he said he'd never really thought about kids." Kate shrugged as she continued, "And now he has Ryan, I just don't know what to think."

"I get that you want a family, but do you love Jim? You are talking marriage and kids, that is a big commitment and you haven't been together that long, are you really ready to say forever?" Dutchy asked wondering just how deep her feelings for Jim really were. He found it difficult to understand how she could so quickly move from Mike to Jim. It just didn't make sense to him.

Kate took some time before she answered. This was the million dollar question – did she love Jim? If she did, all the history and baggage with Mike just didn't matter, she would have her prince charming and the life she wanted. She knew Dutchy was waiting for an answer, she just wasn't sure what to say. Not quite ready to answer, Kate stalled for time, "You know this isn't the first time Jim and I have been together? We were in a relationship a couple of years ago as well."

Dutchy knew she was stalling but played along anyway. "Yeah, Swaino sort of filled me in on that."

"Oh god, please tell me this hasn't be a topic of conversation for the crew?" Kate asked, mortified at some of the things that may have been said.

"No," Dutchy said laughing, "nothing like that. It was only Swain, Charge and Me. When we picked him up after the bombing you all seemed to know him and I just asked what the connection was. Swain filled me in on the Samaru operation, and that you and Jim had been seeing each other. That doesn't really answer my question though, do you love him?" Dutchy prodded again, he wasn't going to let her get off that easily.

After pausing for a few more moments to contemplate her answer, Kate finally spoke. It wasn't a whisper, but it was very quiet. "I love the way I feel when I am with him, and yes, part of me definitely loves him."

"You don't have to answer this, but is it enough to marry him? Because if you are having doubts now, before you've even said yes, then I think that's telling you something." Dutchy offered as advice. He sensed that Kate was struggling with the decision and didn't want to push her, but the one thing he knew about love is that when it hits you, you are supposed to know it. He remembered seeing Mike and Kate on Gorski's boat and realised that is what love is supposed to look like; like there is no-one else in the world, and no doubts in your mind.

As they sailed into the harbour Kate was no clearer in her mind about what she was going to say to Jim, but she was feeling a little better after talking about it all "Thanks Dutchy."

"Anytime. And you don't need to worry, even if I was to tell anyone about this, no-one would believe we actually had this conversation, so your secrets are safe with me." Dutchy said with a smile. Even he couldn't believe he had this conversation with his normally closed off X, "The caesium on the other hand, I can't guarantee it won't talk."

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Notes: Anyone else think that the 'coffee' scene between Mike and Kate was way to short? They went all the way to a cafe, got their coffee, then barely had a conversation! This is my version of what would have happened if they had finished their conversation._

_All feedback and comments are welcome...Enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter Two – Mike and Kate

"X, can I have a word please?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Sure." Kate knew what this was about and tried hard to think of a reason to say no, but quickly realised she couldn't.

"Do you have time for a drink this evening?" Mike asked, desperately wanting to sit down and talk to her about what Dutchy had told him.

"I have something on tonight, I'm sorry." Going out with Mike was the last thing she needed. She was confused enough as it was and wanted to be able to make her decision about Jim without Mike influencing her.

"OK, A quick coffee then?" Mike pressed her, he wasn't going to take no for an answer, he had to hear it from her.

"Is it true?" Mike asked Kate feeling angry and hurt. Not only was he losing her to someone else, but she hadn't told him about the proposal and for some reason had chosen to confide in Dutchy.

"Yes. But Dutchy shouldn't have said anything before I did." Kate replied fighting back tears.

"Don't you think I have a right to know? As CO of the ship." Mike replied, kicking himself as he did. He knew he shouldn't have bought his position on the ship into it, but he was so confused he blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

"As CO of the ship, of course, and I would have told you, once I'd had time to consider it." Kate responded suddenly feeling angry. He was hiding behind is position once again, trying to pry information from her.

Dreading the answer, but wanting to know, he had no alternative than to ask, "And are you considering it?"

"Yes I'm seriously thinking about it." Kate replied, her voice thick with emotion. She may have been angry at him, but she was desperate to avoid hurting the man in front of her.

"I see." He croaked out, trying hard to control his heart and stop it from shattering into pieces. Of all the outcomes for them he had not expected this. It was only a few months ago that she had told him that Jim was not the reason why they had broken up and now a proposal. He couldn't work out what was going on.

* * *

As neither knew what to say next Mike and Kate continued to sit in awkward silence taking sips of their coffee until Kate couldn't take it anymore. "I see? Is that all you wanted to say?" The tension had been killing her. From the moment he had asked to talk to her she felt sick to the stomach, and sitting opposite him now she wasn't feeling any better. She was doing her best to contain her emotions but the tension was getting the better of her and she knew she was close to losing it. She knew he was hurting, but she was hurting too.

"Well, what else would you like me to say?" Mike had no idea what he should be saying. He desperately wanted to make a bold romantic speech, but it wasn't his style and he had no idea what he would actually say. The problem was, this conversation wasn't so much about what he wanted to say, it was about what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that they weren't that serious, that Jim had the wrong end of the stick and that she was just trying to work out how to say no. He wanted to hear something, anything in her voice that told him he still had a chance.

"You're the one who wanted to talk Mike, I assumed you had something you wanted to say." Kate couldn't read Mike's emotions, and her voice was coming across colder than she intended. She could tell he wasn't himself, and was doing his best to hide the fact that he was upset, but she couldn't quite tell why. She knew that her being with Jim had always hit a nerve with him, but apart from one conversation when he tried to find out if Jim was the reason for her breaking up with him, he hadn't said a thing to her. Adding to her confusion was that after their discussion about Ryan, Mike had admitted to having a connection with Maxine, and she had assumed that the two of them had started something, and that was hitting a nerve of its own with her.

"I was just surprised that you didn't tell me. I didn't realize you and Jim had become so serious." Mike voice was quiet as he stared into his coffee. He was fast losing any hope he had that somehow he and Kate would end up back together.

After another awkward silence Kate regained her nerve. "You know what, there is something I would like you to say...I want an answer to my question." Mike looked at Kate, confusion all over his face until Kate explained, "We were interrupted before and you never answered. How would you feel if I was pregnant?" What she really needed to know was how he really felt about her, and what sort of future he wanted, and this was the only way she could think of to ask him.

Mike took a few moments to answer her question. The truth was, ever since she asked it, it was all he had thought about and he still didn't have an answer. If the child was his, he would have been over the moon. It would be complicated, but he would have worked something out, and as they worked it out she might have even explained why she broke things off with him. But in reality he didn't know how to feel. He knew the child would have been Jim's, not his. How was he supposed to feel knowing the woman he loved was pregnant with another man's child?

Hedging his bets, he replied "I guess, if it's what you wanted and you were happy, I'd be happy for you." It was at least partly true, he would be happy for her, but he would have been shattered that it wasn't with him. Choking back his emotions he asked his own question in response. "Is that how you would have felt, happy?" He knew she wanted children, but what he really wanted to know was would she have been happy having them with Jim.

Now it was Kate's turn to again choke back her emotions as she thought carefully about how to phrase her answer. "I want a family Mike. I don't want to keep coming home from each patrol to an empty house. I want to get married and have kids." She had always thought it would be him she would marry and have a family with, but they never managed to get things between them right and she didn't want to miss her chance at a family because she was waiting for something that was never going to happen.

"And what about me?" Mike voice cracked slightly, holding back from begging her to let him be part of that equation. Kate was the only woman who had ever made him think about marriage and kids, and things had always been so up and down between them that he never really allowed himself to think of how life would be if they could actually work things out.

"You have a family. Ryan, and Maxine." Kate spat out sounding a little more venomous than she meant. She knew that she had no right to be jealous or angry, but that was how she felt. He had a son with someone else, something she had always dreamt of having with him.

"Kate it's not like that. I only just found out that Ryan is my son, you know that. And besides, he has only just started speaking to me again and I think the best I can hope for there is that we can be friends." Mike replied softly. He knew that Ryan and Maxine were a sensitive topic for Kate, even if she didn't let on as much. The reality was they weren't his family.

"And Maxine? Are you going to try and tell me that it was one night twenty years ago and nothing since? Because I can see you have a connection, you even admitted as much yourself." Kate replied. She didn't know if Mike and Maxine were together, or if they were good friends with a complicated history. Part of her didn't want to know, but the other part of her needed to know.

"Maxine and I, we're friends, it's complicated, and it's different to you and me..." Mike was about to continue when Kate cut him off.

"Mike I'm not angry, and I'm not asking for an explanation." Kate's voice was quiet as she stared into her half drunk coffee, she just needed to know. She knew she had no right to be asking him for an explanation, it was just the thought of him with a family and her alone made her want to burst into tears. It wasn't that she didn't want him to be happy, but for so long she hoped that she would be the one to be happy with him.

"So what do you want?" Mike asked, not taking his eyes off Kate, just in case she glanced up at him. A few months ago he knew what she wanted, and he knew what he wanted, what he still wanted. Kate. But he didn't know what she wanted anymore.

"I want to stop feeling guilty for being happy." It shocked Kate to hear herself saying this because it was the whole truth. When she was with Mike she felt guilty because, apart from one night, she knew they were breaking the rules and both of them would end up in serious trouble if they were found out, him more than her. With Jim, she felt guilty knowing that at least on some level Mike hated seeing them together, and she was always trying to avoid being seen by him when they were together, which was unfair on Jim and it made him wary of her and Mike

Accepting defeat Mike responded, "I want you to be happy Kate, I hope you are happy. That's all I really wanted to say." The hurt and anguish was evident in his voice. It was nowhere near all he wanted to say, but he had the feeling that if he laid all his cards on the table it just would have caused them both more pain, and the one thing he couldn't do was cause Kate any more pain. As much as seeing her with Jim may have hurt, it hurt him more when he could see that she was unhappy and he didn't want to be the cause of that.

"That's all...That's all you wanted to say?" Kate asked in disbelief and disappointment. "Well if there is nothing else there are some other things I need to do." Kate said gulping down the last of her coffee, as if that would give her an excuse to leave. The reality was she had nowhere to be, and nothing to do, but she couldn't sit in awkward conversation with Mike any longer. Her heart was breaking all over again, she had obviously misread the situation and Mike was not here asking for her to give them one last chance. In fact, it almost seemed like he was giving her his blessing.

"I'll see you back on board." Mike stood with Kate as she turned to leave. He knew there had just been a lot left unsaid by both of them, trouble was, he only knew what he had left unsaid. He had wanted to tell her not to marry Jim, and that he loved her, that they could work things out. But how could he tell her when his heart had been shattered? He knew Kate was holding back, and while part of him desperately hoped that she was holding back her feelings for him, there was a nagging doubt that she was holding back from telling him how happy she was with Jim.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box and opened it revealing a St Christopher medallion. It was something his mother had given him when he joined the Navy to help keep him safe, and something he had planned to give to Kate when she took over command of Hammersley. It held such special value to him and he had imagined so many times giving it to Kate, not only would it protect her, but ensure that part of him would be wherever she was. Now looking at it, it looked like nothing more than a trinket. Jim had proposed and offered her the life she wanted, and he was planning on giving her a medallion. Shaking his head he closed the box, put it back in his pocket and walked away.

As Kate meandered through the shopping mall, her thoughts wandered back to Jim. Part of her did love him, and he made her happy, but she had never seriously considered a future with him. Now, after his proposal, and the conversation she had just had with Mike, she allowed herself to seriously think of what their future would be like. She reached into her pocket and carefully pulled out the engagement ring and slid it onto her finger. She couldn't help but find it partially amusing that the first time she was proposed to she was on duty and drinking coffee, then the first time she put the ring on, she was alone, in a shopping mall, on a set of escalators.

She had often imagined what it would be like to be proposed to – on a beach or in a fancy restaurant, with champagne, strawberries, wearing a fancy new dress that she had bought for the occasion. She had never thought that it would be on the deck of Hammersley, wearing her DPNU's, and putting the ring on in a Westfield Shopping Centre on the escalators, after hurting the man she had loved for so long, but who was not the man who had asked her to marry him.

If she wasn't so confused, she would have found the whole situation even more amusing. As she felt the ring on her finger, a comforting feeling ran though her body. Even though she was alone, she knew that with that ring on her finger she would never be alone again, and her hope for a family resurfaced. Walking past the shops she paused outside a wedding dress store, admiring the dresses on display. Deciding this whole thing couldn't get any more strange she walked into the store and asked to try one on. As the dress was tightened around her the comforting feeling that had been running through her body quickly evaporated.

All she could hear was Dutchy's voice in her head 'if you are having doubts now, before you've even said yes, then I think that's telling you something'. She was standing in a wedding dress and instead of thinking about Jim, all she could think about was Mike. The comforting feeling of never being alone was replaced with sadness and loneliness.

With the thought that she might end up alone hitting her like a freight train, she knew she couldn't marry Jim. It was not fair on him – he had swept her off her feet and offered to fulfil her dreams at a time when she was felling very low. Even though her feelings for Jim were strong, he was not Mike. He could never replace Mike.

She barely registered the shop assistant asking her when the big day was and she felt like the oxygen had just been sucked out of the air. She knew there would be no big day and that she was going to hurt Jim, someone who showed her nothing but love and kindness. She uttered something about not having set a date yet and that she had somewhere else to be. With that the assistant helped her out of the dress, she put her uniform back on and made her way out of the store as quickly as was possible. Once outside she made her way back to the docks and clung to the railing as she looked into the water below. She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes, hoping that she would be able to get through the next few days.

To Be Continued


	3. Chapter 3

_Authors Notes: The conversation between Mike and Dutchy at the bar was entirely to short, with way to much left out. So here is my take on what should have been said. After all, how fun would it have been to see a drunk Mike and Dutchy talking about their women woes!?_

_As always, all feedback and comments welcome. Enjoy :)_

* * *

Chapter 3 – Mike and Dutchy

"Boss, hey." Dutchy said surprised, of all people he had not expected Mike at the bar, he had expected that he would have been with Kate, but seeing him here, drinking his sorrows, it was obvious things had not gone well. Feeling low himself he asked, "Want some company?"

Mike looked up and nodded at Dutchy. Drinking with his bosun was better than drinking alone.

"Nothing of interest she said. Just felt like she was brushing me off. I mean did she even pass on the info?" Dutchy commented angrily whilst waiting for his drink to be topped up.

"Don't worry about it Dutchy, It's out of our hands now. Like many things." Mike sighed with frustration. He still could not understand how his relationship with Kate had faltered. One minute, they had been so happy, he was posting off and they were starting a life together. Suddenly it had all evaporated, another man had proposed to her and she was 'seriously considering it'.

"Yeah, Women hey." Dutchy replied, not sure how to respond.

"They have these expectations, but you never really know what's going on in their heads." Mike replied angry and frustrated. He thought he knew Kate and how she felt, but now he felt as though he knew nothing about her.

No longer able to watch the suffering of the man in front on him, Dutchy owned up, "Kate broke it off with you because she was trying to protect your career."

"Ay," Mike's head shot up, looking at Dutchy in astonishment. He could not believe what he had just heard.

"Speaking to you man-to-man boss." Dutchy confirmed what he had just said. He was feeling uncomfortable, not only was he betraying Kate's trust, but he was again discussing their forbidden relationship.

"My career?" Mike asked surprised looking for more confirmation. In a million years he never would have guessed that his career was the reason.

Seeing the surprise on Mike's face, Dutchy added, "Yeah, she seems to think that's the most important thing in your life."

* * *

Mike took a minute to take in what he had just heard. Finishing his beer and requesting another he finally responded, "You know, I knew something was going on, I knew there was a reason, I just couldn't figure out what it was." Taking a drink from his fresh beer, Mike continued "I mean, why would she think that? I told her that I wouldn't let work get in the way again, that I would do whatever it takes, and she just unilaterally makes this decision without talking to me." Mike said angrily as he went back to his beer.

"In her defence, it sounds like you chose your career once before." Dutchy said wondering just how many beers Mike had already had, and how far he could push the envelope.

Mike raised an eyebrow, surprised that Dutchy knew so much, but deciding not to comment on it, he turned to face Dutchy, "Why am I starting to think that it was a bad idea to send the two of you on the steaming party together?" He knew that most of the crew at least had suspicions about him and Kate, but Dutchy was the only one he knew for sure that there was something going on, and he was starting to wonder just how much he knew.

"Yeah, probably. If it's any consolation she wasn't impressed I told you about the proposal." Dutchy said with a bit of a laugh, amused that for the second time that day he was going to have an awkward conversation with one of his bosses about their love lives.

"Sounds about right." Mike said laughing with Dutchy. He knew better than most what Kate could be like when she was unimpressed, and she would have been unimpressed to say the least. He smiled and was happy that at least this time he wasn't on the receiving end. "What else did she tell you?" Mike asked quietly. He knew Kate and Dutchy were friends, but until now he didn't realize they were the sort of friends that would talk about relationships, least of all his relationship with her.

"This and that," Dutchy responded, his discomfort increasing, he requested another beer himself before continuing, "I didn't realize how much had happened between the two of you." He didn't want to betray Kate's trust, but then, he couldn't stand still and watch Mike in this state either.

"Yeah... but _had _would be the important part there. I can't believe she actually thought that I thought my career was more important than her. Where did that come from? I don't understand, I thought we were..." Mike asked with disbelief and disappointment whilst shaking his head. The anger he had felt initially had disappeared and had been replaced with disappointment that she had not confided more in him earlier. If she had told him what was going on back then he might have been able to talk to her and sort things out. They would still be together, and Jim would never had proposed.

"So now that you know, what are you going to do about it?" Dutchy was hoping that this new information would spur Mike into action. He had nothing against Jim, but he could see how much Mike and Kate cared for each other and didn't want to see them end up apart because of a mix up in communication, or in this case, a complete lack of communication.

Mike paused for a few moments before answering. He had tried a few times. He tried talking to her earlier in the day and it hadn't work. If anything, they just ended up further apart than they already were. Taking another drink from his beer, he knew exactly what he was going to do. "Nothing."

Dutchy choked on his beer as he heard Mike's answer. "Nothing? No offence, but that's not the 'Mighty Mike Flynn' answer I was expecting. I mean, even if I was going to forget everything I've see between the two of you, I've been hearing stories of you running through fire, you even threatened to resign so you could be together, and now you're going to do nothing? Absolutely nothing? Are you really going to give up?" Dutchy was in a state of complete disbelief. After his conversation with Kate he knew that she still had feelings for Mike, in fact he was certain that she still loved Mike and that's why she had given him up, to protect him. Only someone who truly loved someone would be able to make that sacrifice, and Kate had for Mike. It wouldn't have taken much for him to convince her to give them another chance. But doing nothing? This was just playing into Jim's hands.

Mike again finished his beer and ordered another before something dawned on him. "Wait, I didn't tell you I threatened to resign. How do you know about that?" Mike looked intensely at Dutchy who refused to look at him. He thought the only people who knew about his threat was him and Fleet Command. Seeing Dutchy wasn't going to respond, he started thinking out loud. "The only person who would have told you is Kate, but not even she knew what I said to them, I just told her that I'd fix it. She doesn't know anyone at Fleet Command, well, obviously she knows them, but it's not like she's friends with any of them to the point that they would have told her."

"Maybe she's not friends with any of them, but you are..." Dutchy replied quietly looking into his drink, knowing very well he was playing with fire. Kate had a point, Mike and Maxine had enough issues to deal with, they really didn't need another one, but as he watched his CO drowning himself with beer after beer, trying to nurse his broken heart, he knew he had a right to know.

"The only person I am friends with there is Ma...Dutchy, I've had a bad day, and one to many of these for a cryptic conversation," Mike said shaking his near empty glass of beer, "what exactly are you saying?" Mike asked looking directly at Dutchy, waiting for confirmation of his suspicions.

Dutchy realized he didn't have a choice but to spill the beans. "I don't know the details, she wouldn't tell me much, but what I do know is that Commander White pretty much scares us all, and I think they might have had a friendly chat that wasn't all that friendly." It was partly true, he didn't know the details, but he knew it must have been some threat for Kate to pull the pin the way she did.

Mike's head started spinning. He didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the information he had just received, or a combination of both. He had spent months trying to figure out why Kate ended things with him, and why she refused to talk about it, and now he knew. "Bloody Maxine, who does she think she is?" Mike said pulling his phone out of his pocket.

Dutchy looked at the phone in Mikes' hand and realized he was scrolling past Kate's number to Maxine's. Before he could hit dial, Dutchy put his hand on the phone and took it off him. "Sorry Boss, can't let you do that. Kate doesn't want to be an issue between you and her, she thinks you have enough to deal with, and for what it's worth I agree with her."

Mike's head slumped as he realised what, or rather who, Dutchy was talking about. "Ryan," Mike sighed out under his breath. Suddenly it all hit him as he began to realize how hard the past few months must have been on Kate, and how much it must have hurt her knowing that he had a son with the same person who threatened her about starting a relationship with him. "Tell me something Dutchy, is your life ever as messed up as this?"

Dutchy tried unsuccessfully to hide his chuckle. "Boss, the last girl I tried to have a relationship with was not only married, and gay, but she also tried to kill me. And now, I am seeing someone who either is very good at their job and I am a complete prick for questioning her on it, or she is dodgy and I am a fool for not questioning her more."

As the fresh beers kept coming it was taking longer for Mike to register what Dutchy was talking about. "Are you talking about Madeleine? Do you really think she is dodgy?" Mike was trying to cast his mind back over their dealings with her and while something felt off about her he couldn't remember anything that indicated she might be corrupt.

"It would explain some things if she was. Whenever I try to bring anything up she has this way of turning things around and somehow winning the argument before I even know it's happened." Truth be told, it had been doing Dutchy's head in. One minute she would be all over him, the next she would be so cold towards him. She could turn so quickly, he never knew what to expect.

"She's definitely a woman then." Mike said taking another drink, remembering the arguments he had lost with Kate. The alcohol had done its job and Mike was now speaking much more freely than earlier in the conversation. "Kate called me an emotional coward once. She said I hide behind a, how did she put it... a veneer of command. I just wanted to know why she cancelled our date, and that's what came out."

"Seriously?" Dutchy looked astonished as he looked at Mike. He knew Kate had a way with words when she was angry, he had been on the receiving end more than once when he first joined Hammersley, but to hear this was something else. "Must have been some argument. What did you say?" He had to know more, Mike had his own way with words when he was angry, and he was beginning to wonder just how they had kept their relationship off the ship for so long.

Mike started smiling involuntarily as he remembered that night. "I kissed her." He admitted looking to Dutchy who seemed to be confused so Mike clarified, "It's always one way to end an argument. Especially when you know you aren't going to win." Mike's smile grew as he remembered how happy they had been that night and the next morning, before it was taken away from them again.

Dutchy couldn't help but laugh, there was so much more to Mike than he had realized, "I'll have to keep that in mind." Through his beer haze, his mind drifted back to Madeleine and what he should do about her. As if he was reading his mind, Mike spoke up again.

"This terrorism activity and the caesium has me worried though." Mike finished off his current beer before holding up the empty glassy up and continuing, "We've both had a couple too many of these for it to make any sense tonight, but if you have concerns come and talk to me tomorrow, maybe there is something we can do about that." He might have lost Kate, but he was still in the Navy and at least he could focus on his work.

"Yeah, will do." That was the best idea Dutchy had heard from Mike all night. He needed a clear head to figure out what was going on, and that wasn't going to happen tonight. That was his problem dealt with for the night, he still didn't know what Mike was going to do about Kate. "And the other thing, what are you going to do about Kate?" Dutchy asked his question tentatively. He wasn't sure if their conversation had helped or made things worse.

"She's made her choice Dutchy. She deserves to be happy. Something I obviously can't give her." Mike announced as he finished his final beer. As much as he loved her, he realized how much he must have hurt her as well and he couldn't go on doing that. He wanted to see her happy, even if it meant she wasn't with him. It was time to let her go.

To Be Continued


	4. Chapter 4

_Authors Notes: I think this is a scene we all wanted to see an extended version of...Mike and Kate in their final heart-wrenching scene together in Kate's house the morning of the memorial. This is the last chapter involving scenes from the final episode, but the story will continue for a little while...after all, we still have to get from the memorial to the snapshot of them married and expecting their first child..._

_Thanks to everyone who has left feedback...all comments are welcome... Enjoy :)_

* * *

Chapter 4 – Mike and Kate

"Are you ok?" Mike asked Kate, knowing full well that she wasn't, but not knowing what else to ask. There were so many things that he wanted to ask, and say, but he couldn't find the words.

"I feel so guilty," Kate replied whist staring forward, unable to face him. She had been struggling with her guilt ever since she had tried on the wedding dress and she was now finding it almost impossible to deal with.

"Your decision to let them go ahead was right. It's not your fault that they disobeyed orders to leave." Mike tried to reassure her whilst walking closer to Kate. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and console her, but he didn't know if she would even allow him to touch her, so decided to remain where he was.

Shaking her head, Kate turned around to look at him. Mike had the misunderstood her guilt and she had to rectify it. Walking slowly towards him before stopping a safe distance back, "No, no, that's not what I mean."

"Then what is it?" Mike asked confused. He understood that she was feeling guilty but he had assumed that it was because of her decision to leave Jim and Swain on the boat to diffuse the bomb.

Taking a deep breath, Kate replied "After I met you for coffee, I went and tried on a wedding dress," Mike's expression changed from confusion to anguish and pain, and Kate knew she had to continue, "and that's when I knew that I would never marry Jim."

Mike looked down, there were too many conflicting emotions running through him and unsure of what to say he finally looked up and asked, "Did you tell him?"

Shaking her head, Kate looked down again. It was now or never, she had to say what she wanted to say, and whilst struggling with her emotions, she looked up at Mike and answered, "There is only one person that I could ever imagine marrying."

Mike could not believe what he heard. Of all the things he had imagined she would say, he never imagined he would hear her say those words. Despite his sense of grief for both Jim and Swain he felt incredibly relieved and happy. Despite everything that had happened, she wanted him, and only him. With a lump forming in his throat, emotions overtaking his senses, he croaked out, "Yeah. Me too."

* * *

Of all the times, a declaration of eternal love at this time felt wrong to both of them. The man who had proposed to Kate, the man who loved her so much, who had sacrificed himself to save her and others, had died not knowing that she did not love him in the same way he loved her. It was a proposal which had forced Kate to make a decision about who she really loved, and in the end it had been Mike, not Jim. And then there was Swain, leaving a family behind. A family was something Kate so desperately wanted, but always seemed out of her grasp, and now there was a slight hope that it was being given back to her.

Fighting her overwhelming emotions, Kate wasn't sure what to say next. What was appropriate? What did Mike expect? She looked around nervously hoping Mike would say something, but when he didn't she tried to deflect the seriousness of what they had just said and change the topic. "Thank you for staying on the couch last night, it can't have been comfortable but I don't think I could have faced waking up to an empty house." Kate said momentarily regaining her composure as she spoke, trying to ready herself for the day ahead.

"It was fine," Mike said with a re-assuring smile, "thank you for letting me stay, I wasn't looking forward to going home to an empty house." A large lump had formed in Mike's throat that was threatening to stop him from being able to talk, but he knew that there were things that needed to be said, "Kate, my career was never more important than you, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that it was." He said sincerely, looking intently at Kate making sure she believed every word.

Kate looked at him a little confused, not sure why he had apologised or how he knew that was how she felt, until she realized there was only one option. "Dutchy," She muttered under her breath. "That wasn't...I didn't..Its...You love the Navy, it's part of who you are, and I didn't want you to have to leave." The composure that she had regained was quickly slipping away.

"I wish you would have told me, I don't think it would have come to that." Mike replied softly, regretting that he had only just found out why things had ended the way they did and wishing he could go back in time to make things right.

"That's not the way it was put to me." Kate whispered as she looked away from Mike. She didn't have the strength to have this conversation with Mike now, and she was beginning to wonder how much Dutchy had told him.

"I'm sorry about that too." Mike barely croaked out as the lump in his throat grew. He could see the effect the last few months, and the last few days, had had on Kate, and all he wanted to do was hold her until her pain went away, but he was still not sure whether she would let him so he kept his distance.

"What do we do now?" Kate asked nervously. They both knew what the next few hours would entail, Kate wanted to know what would happen after that.

With Kate's earlier declaration and a renewed hope for a future together, Mikes voice stabilized as he floated his idea past Kate, "Well, when today is over, I could really do with a break. Just get away from here for a while."

"A...A break..." Kate couldn't understand what was happening. Only moments ago she thought they had both admitted that they had only ever imagined marrying each other, and that they were beginning to resolve some of their problems, but now he wanted a break? Was it just because of what happened, or did he want a break from her?

Noticing the confusion on Kate's face, Mike immediately realised he hadn't explained what he meant very well. "No, not...I mean a holiday. Just get away from Cairns for a while." Seeing the confusion and hurt deepening on Kate's features he quickly realised Kate still didn't understand what he was saying, Mike continued, "With you...we can have separate rooms, I know you still have... there are still things you are dealing with, but I just want to be with you, and spend time with you. I want to help you."

"I need you too. I don't think I can face it on my own." Kate's voice was faltering as she made her admission. She was terrified at the idea of facing the memorial on her own, not to mention spending the remainder of her shore leave alone. Mike was providing the security and the comfort she needed to let down her guard and start dealing with the grief she knew was coming.

"I know this isn't the best timing, I have tried to give this to you so many times, but the timing has never been right, and at the end of the day, it's something I want you to have." Mike paused as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small metal object. Holding it in one hand and traced around the edge of it with his thumb before walking towards Kate. "Mum gave it to me when I joined up to help keep me safe, and it's done a pretty good job, so I want you to have it."

"What is it?" Kate asked choking back tears as she stepped forward and reached for Mike's hand, taking a look at what he was holding.

"It's St Christopher. He's the patron saint of many things, one being sailors." Reaching for her collar, "May I?" Mike asked whilst looking at her watching the medallion in his hand.

Realising what Mike wanted to do, Kate nodded. He reached under Kate's collar and began pulling out her dog tags to attach the medallion. "This way, if I'm not around to help you, you will always have St. Christopher." Mike finished attaching the pendant and replaced Kate's tags under her uniform. "Also it means that you will always have a piece of me with you, no matter what." Mike looked at Kate and could see the tears resting on her eye lashes.

"I never saw you wear it." Kate managed to say, trying to stop the tears from falling. She never knew Mike to be sentimental, and this gesture combined with the emotion of the day was well and truly over whelming.

"I kept it in my wallet." Mike admitted softly, "On days when I thought I would need a bit of extra help, I would put it in my pocket." He explained as he reached out and started to wipe away the tears with his thumbs that were now flowing down Kate's face.

"It's an appropriate name given what's happened." Kate whispered, her voice faltering as the emotions continued to build inside her and she began to lose control.

As Mike watched Kate unravel he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know what was acceptable or expected in this situation, but he couldn't stand by and watch it any longer. He reached out for her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her to his chest. As he held her tightly he could feel her breath hitching as she tried to control her soft whimpers. He wasn't sure whether or not he was actually helping until he felt Kate's hands gripping the back of his shirt.

As he felt her responding he tightened his grip on her and dropped is head, placing a kiss on top of her head. "It will be ok Kate, we'll get through it together." Mike's voice was muffled as he spoke into her hair. A few moments later and it seemed to have worked as Kate regained control of her breathing and before either had a chance to move back or say anything else, Mike's phone began to ring. "Did anyone ever tell you the Navy has no sense of timing?" Mike asked trying to relieve some of the tension as he took a step back from Kate.

It seemed to work as Kate continued to compose herself, "I think you may have said that before." Kate replied softly as she made a move toward a box of tissues while Mike answered his phone.

Kate froze as soon as she heard Mike answer the phone, "Maxine...No, no, that won't be possible...You do realise what today is right? Can't it wait?...OK we will meet you there...No, I'll let her know...See you there." Mike hung his head a sighed loudly as he disconnected the call. "Kate, that was Maxine, we are needed at Navcom after the service." There was a certain resignation to Mike's tone. He didn't want to say it, he didn't want to believe it himself, but he knew Maxine wouldn't have requested the meeting if it wasn't important.

"No...I can't." Kate stammered as she began to lose control again, "Not today Mike, I need to talk to Jim's parents, I need to give them something." Kate had tried to put Jim's grandmothers ring with his personal affects, but at the last second she had a change of heart and decided to give it to his parents herself. She knew it would be very difficult meeting them, but she felt it was the right thing to do, and something that she needed to do. They deserved an explanation.

Mike knew what Kate meant and he wasn't about to make her explain further, "Then Navcom will have to wait. Whatever it is, nothing is more important than..." Mike couldn't bring himself to say the words, and looking at Kate he knew he didn't have to. She understood what he meant. Nothing was going to be rushed today. Mike walked over to Kate and reached out to her, lightly rubbing her upper arm. "You right to go?"

Kate took a deep breath in before responding. "Yeah, I don't want to be late." Kate said as they walked to her door, Mike placing his hand on her back as they walked to the door. He knew their physical contact would have to be kept to a minimum today, but at least for now he wanted her to know that he was right behind her and that he would do anything to support her.

To Be Continued


	5. Chapter 5

_Authors Notes: Here is the next chapter...We leave the finale now and enter the world of pure fiction...I really thought there should have been a scene after the memorial service between Kate and Jim's parents, but since there wasn't, I decided to write one._

_All feedback/comments are welcome...I hope you enjoy._

* * *

Chapter 5 - Kate and Jim's parents

As the memorial service drew to a close Kate's eyes were drawn to Sally and Chloe. She could see the grief on their faces and desperately wanted to be able to say something to take the pain away. She watched as Chloe re-opened the box that contained her Father's medal. She looked at it sadly before closing the box again and looking up to her mum. She was looking for some sort of explanation. Everyone had told her that her father was a hero, but she was a young girl and all she understood was that he wasn't coming home, ever. As Kate watched them, she knew there was nothing she could say that would help. When Mike and Charge approached Sally, Kate looked to her left and noticed Jim's parents preparing to leave.

Kate new it was now or never. She didn't realize her hand had been resting on her chest, and her St Christopher pendant, until she took a deep breath and had to make a conscious decision to remove her hand as she walked over to his parents.

"Excuse me, Mr and Mrs Roth?" Kate spoke nervously, still not sure if seeing them today was the right thing to do, "My name is Kate, I um...I...I have something that belongs to you." Kate's hand was shaking as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the white handkerchief and ring that Jim had given to her.

Jim's mother accepted the ring off Kate, taking a look at it before looking back to her. At first she was confused as to why this person had her mother's ring, but as she looked up to Kate she could see the emotion in Kate's eyes. As if to answer the unasked question, Kate managed to find her voice, "Jim and I had been seeing each other, he gave it to me when..." Kate didn't know how to explain what had happened, he proposed but she was going to say no? Surely that would only add to their grief. "I know it was his grandmother's, and it belongs in your family." The guilt that Kate had felt in the pit of her stomach earlier in the day had now made its way to her throat and she struggled to get the words out.

"Kate, if Jim gave this to you, he would want you to have it." Jim's father said, his voice breaking while his mother nodded, tears forming in her eyes, she attempted to give the ring back to Kate.

Taking a half step backwards, horrified at the thought of having to keep the ring, Kate continued with her struggle to contain her emotions, tears threatening to fall, "No, please keep it. I can't imagine the grief you are dealing with, and I don't want to make today any harder for you, but please, it belongs to your family, I can't keep it...I..." She said pleading with them.

Jim's parents seemed a little perplexed at Kate's reaction but his mother held onto the ring. "You and my son were close?" She finally asked, "I knew he had been seeing someone, but I didn't realize..." Jim's mum trailed off, not able to complete her sentence. "Would you tell me about him?" She sat back down, motioning for Kate to do the same.

"What do you..I..what do you mean?" Kate asked a little surprised, taking her seat next to Jim's mum. Of all the questions she expected, this was not one of them.

"The media keep calling him _SAS Captain James Roth _and showing a photo of him in his uniform, but I remember him as a little boy playing with matchbox cars in the dirt until it was dark." Jim's mother took a moment to compose herself as she began to cry, "We didn't get to see much of him in the last few years, he was always so busy with work, I just want to know how he was, what he did outside of work, and how someone else, someone who knew him, will remember him."

Kate reached out instinctively, placing her hand on Jim's mother's hand to try and comfort her, and his father placed his arm around her. As Kate felt her hand being squeezed she found the strength to begin. "He was charming, not over the top, just enough to make you smile. He was loving, and kind, and thoughtful." Kate took a moment to take a deep breath before continuing, "He had the ability to, I don't know how to explain it, but I would forget who I was, and what I was supposed to be doing, and just enjoy being with him. He would make me laugh, and not many people can do that." As Kate began to talk about Jim, she was surprised to find herself feeling a little better, she had not been able to talk about him with anyone who knew him and she was beginning to find some closure. "But I think I will remember him as the tough SAS Captain who took great pride in being able to cook a roast and top it off with his home made chocolate mousse." Kate said with a hint of a smile as she remembered the nights Jim had cooked for her.

"I'm afraid that's my fault," Jim's mum started, the tears were still in her eyes, but there was a slight smile on her lips, "when he was a teenager I taught him how to cook. I told him that if he was ever serious about impressing a woman, he needed to be able to cook her a decent meal."

"Well it worked." Kate said as the women shared a small smile.

"Tell me, when he...ah..gave you..." Jim's mum faltered a little as she held the ring up, "how did he? Please tell me he did something special."

Kate couldn't help but laugh a little, "Sorry, we were both working. Jim had to put down his bags, then take the coffee out of my hands. We were on the ship I work on, and actually I don't know how we weren't interrupted. It was completely of the blue, but it came from his heart." Kate looked to his parents and knew they were waiting to hear what happened next, "Jim was the impulsive one, I the type who makes lists and thinks things through first. I never got a chance to answer him." Kate's voice had faded and she desperately hoped that his parents would let it rest there.

"Did you love him?" Jim's mum asked cautiously.

"Yes, I did." Kate replied, this time sharing a sad smile with Jim's mum.

"Then my husband is right, Jim would want you to keep this," She again tried to give the ring back to Kate. She could tell Kate loved him, and for Jim to have given it to her, he must have loved her too. She thought Kate would want it as something to remember him by.

Kate's emotions began to come to the surface as she again refused the ring, "No, please, I can't. I know this might seem...I just can't keep it." Kate then finally figured out how to explain it to them, "I need to do this to say good bye."

"Ok." Jim's mum responded. "Thank you for giving it back to us in person, it means a lot. It was very nice to meet you and hear you speaking about him."

"I wish I could stay longer, but there are some people waiting for me," It was partly true, but she did not know how long she could stay talking to Jim's parents without falling apart and she did not want to do that in front of them. She felt as though she had said what she needed to, and Jim's parents had heard what they needed to.

Having a son in the SAS Jim's mum knew that their time wasn't always their own and she suddenly realized that Kate would have a lot of other things she needed to do. Feeling as though she may have monopolized Kate's time she stood up and started to rush her good bye before Kate interrupted her, "Of course, we're sorry to have kept you..."

"No, no, of all the things I need to do today, this is the most important." Kate said sincerely, standing with Jim's mum. "If there is ever anything you need, or...or you just want to talk, here, these are all my numbers, please call anytime." Kate said handing over her card. It was a genuine offer, and not something Kate had been planning on doing, but something that felt right to do. Jim's mum was hesitant to take the card, unsure of why the offer was being made until Kate reassured her, "It's been nice for me to talk about Jim too."

"Thank you, I will." Jim's mum said with a slight smile. Truth be told, she was comforted just by the fact that someone else cared about her son as a person, and would remember him as something other than an SAS Captain.

As they said there good-byes, Kate knew she had made the right decision to speak to his parents. She felt relieved of some of the guilt she had been feeling, and it seemed that by sharing some information about Jim with his parents, it may have helped their grief as well. As she stood on the dock by herself she was able to take a few deep breaths and, hand on her St Christopher pendant, she felt like she could actually breathe. She knew she still had a lot of grief to deal with, for both Swain and Jim, but for the first time she was beginning to feel as though she would be able to deal with whatever lay ahead.

When she looked around the dock, she realized that much of the crowd had already left and those remaining were beginning to leave. As she scanned the crowd remaining, her gaze found Mike at the same time as his found hers. Kate found it comforting knowing that he had waited for her. There was nothing stopping him from going ahead to Navcom, after all, he had no idea how long she would be, but one simple act of waiting for her was proof of what he had said earlier.

They were going to get through this together.

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

_Authors Notes: I was a little surprised there wasn't some sort of scene back at Navcom after the explosion...after all, there would have needed to be a fairly intensive debriefing session. This doesn't really cover that, but it does cover what Maxine might have ended up doing..._

_As always, all feedback/comments are welcome. Enjoy :)_

* * *

Chapter 6 - Mike, Kate and Maxine

Walking slowly toward each other though the dispersing crowd, Kate and Mike gave each other a small smile, "Are you OK?" Mike asked with concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah, " Kate sighed with relief. The meeting with Jim's parents had gone better than she hoped, "It felt like good-bye." She added knowing that Mike would be concerned about her, she wanted to let him know that she really was ok.

"You ready to go?" Mike asked Kate. From her reaction he knew that the meeting had gone well, and if Kate wanted him to know more she would tell him about it later.

Nodding in agreement, Kate and Mike began to make their way into Navcom, a comforting silence settling between them. Neither of them knew why they were required today, but neither of them cared – they didn't want to be there. They wanted to be at the wake with the rest of the crew. Maxine had assured Mike that this would be a quick meeting and he was going to do everything in his powers to make sure it was as quick as possible.

As they approached Maxine's office, she looked up from her desk and motioned for them to enter, "Mike, Kate, come in, take a seat."

"Maxine..." Mike started before Maxine cut him off.

"Before you say anything, I know you don't want to be here right now. There are a couple of things you need to be informed of, I'll keep it short and then you will be free to resume your leave." Maxine said before turning her gaze to Kate, "I know you both have things you will need to deal with." She had heard rumours about her and Jim, and had seen her talking to his parents when she left the service. She didn't know what was going on, and to be honest she didn't really care. She just assumed that Kate had taken her advice and moved on from Mike.

"I thought you covered everything in our debrief yesterday?" Mike asked with a hint of displeasure in his voice. There was nothing exactly wrong with Maxine's tone, but then it wasn't comforting either and he just wanted for him and Kate to get out of there. His anger towards her for interfering in his private life and making it more complicated than is already was starting to come to the surface.

Maxine took in a deep breath before continuing, turning her attention from Kate back to Mike. In normal circumstances these meetings would have happened separately, but these weren't normal circumstances. "When you return from leave, I will be taking some extended leave. Ryan and I are going to travel and spend some time together. Fleet Command, in their wisdom, want you to replace me." She said with a hint of a smile. She knew that Mike had been desperate to get his shore posting when the reassignments came though and he had gone to Fleet Command, and she had assumed that was all because of Kate. But now, if the rumours were true, it appeared that Kate had moved on with Jim and he might not be so keen. She hoped that Command of Navcom might still appeal to him.

"Me? Are you sure?" Mike was stunned and he didn't know what to be more surprised at. Maxine was taking leave, but that was at the bottom of the list. He was getting a shore posting back, but not his posting, he was going to command Navcom? And it was at Fleet Command's request?

Maxine did her best to hide her smile. Mike may have had a reputation as being a bit of a cowboy, but what he didn't realize was how highly the Brass thought of him as a Commanding Officer and how much they respected some of his operational decisions. "You don't need to sound so surprised. There aren't many people that know these waters, and their dangers, as well as you."

"What happens when you get back?" As Mike started to process what was happening, the first thing that sprung to mind was whether or not he was going to be posted back to Hammersley when Maxine returned. He didn't want to go back, he was done being Hammersley's CO. He needed some security for himself and Kate; he wanted to build a life with her and if her statement earlier in the day was genuine, she wanted to build a life with him.

Reassuring him, "It's a permanent posting Mike. When I return I will probably be sent to Sydney or Canberra. I'm not sure what Ryan is going to do yet." Maxine replied, she knew exactly what Mike was asking, what she wasn't sure of was why. She had thought that Mike and Kate had moved on from each other. Even if Kate wasn't with Jim, her and Mike had spent a night together and she knew he wouldn't have done that if he was still involved with Kate.

"And Hammersley?" Mike asked, unsure of how to broach the subject with Kate in the room. He knew her promotion being knocked back had thrown her, and he wasn't sure what being over-looked again, now, with everything that had happened, would do to her.

"That's why your here Kate." Maxine said turning her attention towards Kate, who had been beginning to wonder why she was there, "The Brass have re-considered their decision and under the circumstances they are offering you your promotion and command of Hammersley. Congratulations."

The colour drained from Kate's face instantly. Maxine was still talking, but all Kate could hear was her heart beating through her chest. Right now, Kate didn't even trust herself to be an XO, and that was with Mike on board as a CO. But to do it on her own? After what had just happened would she really be able to order her crew into dangerous situations and stay on the bridge and watch? She registered somewhere that Maxine had asked her a question and was waiting for a response. Choking back the fear that had manifested itself in her throat, Kate stammered a response out, "I...I...I can't do this...I...I can't take it...I."

Maxine looked at Mike shocked, completely puzzled by her reaction. Before either Mike or Maxine could say anything Kate turned her attention to Mike, with tears beginning to form in her eyes she gathered her things as she prepared to leave. "I'm...I'm sorry." She choked out as she turned to leave as quickly as she could.

"Kate, wait," Mike called out trying to stop her, but she kept running. Quickly getting up, Mike ran after her, "Kate, wait," he called out again. As he caught up to her he stood in front of her attempting to stop her from running further away and placed his hand on her arm trying to calm her down. "What's wrong, talk to me," Mike pleaded.

A few stray tears began to flow down Kate's face as she looked up to meet Mike's eyes, "I just...I can't do it...not now." Kate stuttered out trying to control her emotions, her erratic breathing a sign that it was a battle she was about to lose.

Mike couldn't quite understand where the loss of confidence had come from. He knew that today would be an emotional day, but couldn't understand why she would be so hesitant to take her promotion, "Kate, the only person who doubts your ability to command is you, they wouldn't offer it to you if they didn't think you were up to it." He offered trying to re-assure her.

"I can't do this here...I need to go, the crew are expecting us at the wake, that's where I need to be right now...please..." Kate said pleading with Mike to let her go whilst trying to control her emotions, "Please let me go." She knew they needed to talk, about a lot of things, but she couldn't talk there at Navcom. She needed time to process what had happened, and the offer Maxine had just made.

"Ok, would you like me to meet you there, I haven't finished here yet, but I won't be long if you want to wait?" Mike asked concerned.

"I'll meet you there, I...I need to leave." Kate replied. She wanted to wait for Mike, but she couldn't, she had to leave Navcom.

Mike stood aside, removing his arm. He watched until Kate was out of view and was genuinely worried about her. He desperately wanted to leave with her, stay with her, console her, but there were a few more things that needed to be said between himself and Maxine first. He wanted to get a few things off his chest and set things straight before he tried to restore his relationship with Kate. Of all the reasons he had imagined why Kate would break things off with him, he never imagined it would have been because of Maxine.

As Mike made his way back into Maxine's office he knew she would have questions and he had barely made it through the door when she spoke, "What was that about?" Maxine asked genuinely confused. She had thought that Kate wanted the promotion, that this would be some good news on an otherwise very bad day.

Mike looked at Maxine, he knew she had very little tact sometimes, but to spring news like this on Kate today was the worst possible time. Kate had made the decision to leave two men on a boat that blew up. Two good men were killed because of a decision she made. It might have been the right decision, but that didn't change the outcome. He couldn't help but shake his head a little; surely Maxine wasn't so inhuman to think that Kate wouldn't be more than a little bit rattled?

Rather than getting into an argument he tried to bypass the question. "It's been a very bad couple of days." Mike commented taking his seat. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I want the shore posting, but are you able to wait before you give Fleet Command an answer about Kate?" He genuinely didn't know how to explain Kate's reaction, but he didn't want her to make a rushed decision influenced by the emotion of the day that she would later regret.

Maxine leant back in her chair and though about Mike's request. "I can probably hold them off for a week, but I do need an answer as soon as possible." Maxine's tone changed and was becoming more friendly, "Mike now that it's just you and me, we need to talk."

Mike wasn't having any of it. He wasn't ready to have any kind of personal conversation with Maxine, and certainly wasn't having it today. He wanted to go and find Kate and make sure she was OK. He wanted to go to the wake, and he wanted to calm down before he would say something he would later regret. "No we don't, not today. Look, if there is anything Ryan needs, I will always be here for him, and when the two of you get back I would like to spend some time with him myself, but as for anything else, it can wait." Mike had his Commander voice back and his tone threw Maxine.

Sensing an air of hostility, Maxine pushed back, "Mike, what's wrong?" She asked not knowing why Mike had just turned. Things between them had been a little tense since Ryan had found out he was Mike's son, but Mike had never taken such a strong tone with her, and had certainly never refused to talk to her.

Mike ran his hand through his hair while he contemplated what to say next. He started contemplating whether he should blurt everything out and deal with the consequences, or say nothing and leave. In the end, he went for something in the middle. "I was recently made aware of a conversation you had with Kate about my request for a shore posting a few months ago. I know that you probably had what you thought were my best interests at heart, but you very nearly cost me a chance at something I have been waiting a long time for." Maxine tried to interrupt before Mike raised a hand to stop her, "You don't know the whole story. Maybe when you get back we can talk about it, but today's not the day. You need to spend time with Ryan, Kate and I need to spend some time together. There is a lot we need to deal with." Mike's tone had softened a little, but he wasn't leaving any room for discussion and Maxine knew it.

"Mike, if I was wrong, I'm sorry." She had wondered if Mike would ever find out about that conversation, and how he would react. Now, she had her answer.

Mike wasn't quite ready to let Maxine off the hook, he was also worried about Kate and wanted to leave so he could check on her. He gathered his things and stood in preparation to leave, "I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

"Call, when you're ready," Maxine offered as she stood with Mike. It was met with a nod and half a smile from Mike. He didn't want to lose another friend, and Dutchy had been right, he and Maxine had their own issues to deal with, but he wasn't ready to do this today.

Kate was beginning to feel as though the world was spinning at twice it's normal speed. She wanted to hit pause, just make everything stop for a while so she could catch up. First Jim had proposed, she made the heartbreaking decision that she couldn't marry him, but then watched as he and Swain were killed before she could tell him. Then before she met Jim's parents to give the engagement ring back, her and Mike admitted they only wanted to marry each other. And now, she was being offered a promotion and Command of Hammersley.

She just couldn't cope with any more.

To be continued


	7. Chapter 7

_Authors notes: So this is another longer chapter, but again, I didn't want to take anything out or cut it in two...hopefully you will think it's worth it._

_As always, all comments/feedback welcome._

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Chapter 7 - Kate and Dutchy

Kate made a brief detour home to get changed and try and compose herself before heading to the pub. When she arrived she found the rest of the crew and some of Jim's SAS troop had overtaken the bar. Not sure if she was ready to face everyone, she headed to the bar to order a drink and give herself some more time. As she waited to be served, Dutchy appeared next to her, "You ok X?" He asked earning a quizzical look from Kate, "I saw you at Navcom, you looked upset." He explained as they ordered their drinks.

Kate was still a little unsettled and took a few moments to process the question, and Dutchy knew straight away that something was wrong, but before he could probe any further Kate turned to him, "Wait, what were you doing at Navcom?" she asked confused.

Dutchy took a deep breath before answering, contemplating whether this was the right time to tell her. Deciding that she deserved an honest answer, "I've been offered an opportunity, combined forces in Afghanistan." He paused before continuing, turning to face Kate, "Time I faced up to some demons."

Kate took a moment and remembered what Dutchy had been like when he first joined Hammersley. She knew, better than most, that his time in the Gulf had affected him badly, she just hadn't realised that it still bothered him. Then she realized what going to Afghanistan meant "Wait, your leaving Hammersley?" She asked slightly shocked, watching his reaction intently. They may have had a bad start when he first came on board, but they had developed a strong friendship. He was the only one who knew about her and Mike, and the only one she felt she could trust enough to talk to about it. And now he was leaving.

This was the one conversation Dutchy didn't want to have. He could have handled telling anyone else, but telling Kate now, he just felt like he was abandoning her at the worst possible time. He knew this was going to be a tough and difficult conversation so motioned for them to head to the deck outside, away from the rest of the crew. Once outside, he took a mouthful of drink before explaining. "Yeah, looks like it. I have a couple of weeks for the arm to heal, but they want to send me over there as soon as I'm fully fit." Dutchy replied with a hint of sadness in his voice while Kate started shaking her head in disbelief.

Kate stood in stunned silence, the colour beginning to drain from her face again. With everything else that had happened, now she was losing Dutchy too? Dutchy knew she might not take the news all that well, but wasn't expecting her to be speechless. It suddenly dawned on him that Kate had arrived alone, without Mike, and he was not there yet, leading him to think that her state had more to do with something to do with Mike than him. Breaking the silence, but not wanting to ask her outright, he approached his question from a different angle, "Well, now we both know why I was at Navcom, but why were you there?" He knew they had an intensive debrief when they got back, and didn't know why they would be requested back so soon.

Kate paused before answering. She thought about how much she should really be telling Dutchy, but then realised he already knew everything else, he might as well know the truth. "They have offered Mike...well actually they have offered him Command of Navcom, and me a promotion and command of Hammersley." Kate replied, her voice fading as she looked away and felt the tears returning to the ducts, ready to fall again.

All that registered with Dutchy were the words promotion and Command of Hammersley. He was so excited for her that he missed the flat tone and reddening eyes. "That's great! They finally saw sense and promoted you!" As he was speaking he realised that Kate wasn't excited at all and he realized that this was the reason he saw her in such a state at Navcom, "Isn't it?" He asked confused and concerned.

"A few months ago, maybe, but now I'm not so sure." Kate admitted. A few months ago it was all she wanted, she had been dreaming of her first command for years. But now the thought terrified her. Adding to her confusion was the nagging feeling that she had spent her whole life working towards the wrong goal. It wasn't a career she wanted anymore, it was a family.

"What is it that you're not sure about?" Dutchy asked, completely confused. He had barely seen her since the explosion, in fact he had barely spoken to her since their chat a few days earlier and he had no idea how she had been coping.

"Everything." Kate admitted looking to Dutchy. "I mean, after what's happened I'm not sure if I can send my crew into dangerous situations and sit back on the bridge and watch. At least when you are part of the boarding party you are there, with them, but I don't think I could handle watching a scene like that ever again. And it would mean that Hammersley would have a new CO with confidence issues, a new XO, apparently a new Boson...and a new Swain." Kate said with the emotion catching in her throat, "I just don't know. It's too much."

Dutchy knew straight away what Kate was feeling. It was the same type of insecurities that he had when he came on board, but he didn't have the added issue of being a CO with a new team as well. "I guess I can understand that, and I don't want to pressure you, but you are the kind of person we need as a CO." Dutchy said trying to encourage Kate.

"What, inexperienced and scared?" Kate said almost challenging Dutchy to justify his statement.

Rather than answering her question straight out, Dutchy explained why he thought she would be a good CO, "You care about your crew, and you want the best for them. Plus, you are passionate about the job at hand. You're not the sort of person to send your crew into a dangerous situation unless it's necessary, and even then it will be with as many safety precautions as possible. You'll never order anyone into a situation you wouldn't be prepared to face yourself. You just need to trust yourself, the crew will follow you." Dutchy was serious and Kate knew he meant every word.

As she thought about Dutchy's words she saw Mike walking into the bar and pausing as he saw her and Dutchy talking. "There might be a reason for me to take a shore posting anyway." Kate said changing tact.

"A shore posting?" Dutchy had no idea what that meant until he turned around and saw Mike watching Kate. He couldn't help but think that Mike looked different to normal, but couldn't figure out what it was. Was it happy?

With everything that had happened, Kate had forgotten that Dutchy had spoken to Mike. "Apparently you and Mike had a little chat." Kate stated quite simply. She wasn't exactly angry, how could she be, Dutchy was probably the reason that her and Mike still had a chance, but she was going to make him sweat it out a little first.

Dutchy was mentally getting all of his excuses ready, until he realised that the only way she would have known about that was if Mike told her. "Apparently so have you and him." He said with a wry smile.

Kate knew there was no point trying to deny it. She turned her head to catch another glance of Mike and she knew Dutchy didn't miss her slight smile when she saw him sitting down at the bar, waiting for her. "Yeah, we started to sort a few things out." Kate admitted looking up to Dutchy, "There are still a few issues we need to deal with, but I think we are going to do it together this time."

"Well that's what I call progress." Dutchy announced quite proud of himself for the role that he had played in helping them sort their issues out.

"You don't think it's too soon? It feels a bit wrong." Kate admitted. The last thing she wanted to do was to show any disrespect for Jim. But the reality was she had made the decision to leave Jim, she just hadn't had a chance to tell him. She couldn't grieve for him as a girlfriend or fiancé, because that's not how she felt. She was grieving for him as a friend; a friend who wanted to think of him in 10 years time as being married with kids and a family of his own. The life he deserved that she couldn't give him.

"That's because you are using your head to think about it," Dutchy said as Kate looked at him waiting for a further explanation, "There are some decisions you need to make with your heart, not your head. Just because you are with someone else, doesn't mean you can't grieve for lives lost." Dutchy explained before getting back to the original issue, "But for my two cents, I hope you do take the promotion. The Navy needs CO's like you."

"I don't think I can. I..." Kate whispered looking away again. The truth was that Kate couldn't remember a time when she had been this scared about her job, and she didn't want to let down the people that had shown faith in her, including Mike, Dutchy and the crew.

Dutchy took a while to think about what she said. He still believed that she would be a great CO, but he knew that pushing someone into a position they didn't feel ready for, particularly a position of command was a bad idea. He also knew that running away wasn't the answer either, so he came up with another option, "Ok, so stay on as XO?"

Kate couldn't help but let out a bit of a laugh. "Have you got something against me taking a shore posting?" She asked looking back to Dutchy wondering why he was pushing the issue.

"No, not at all," Dutchy laughed in response, "It's just that I can tell you from experience that if you make a decision such as this now, confused, and full of guilt, you will always wonder 'what if'. Don't get me wrong because I don't regret joining Hammersley at all, but that's part of my reason for accepting the opportunity to go back to Afghanistan. I know the timing's not great for me to leave, but I need to prove to myself that I can go back there and do the job. You could take the shore posting and be perfectly happy, but one day, some part of you will wonder if you could have gone back to sea."

"Face my fears head on." Kate acknowledged. She was beginning to wonder just when Dutchy became her advisor for both her career and her love life, but the reality was there was some sense to what he was saying.

"Something like that. Once you've proved to yourself that you can still do the job, then you can make the decision about the shore posting with a clear head and not have any regrets." Dutchy added. He didn't want Kate to give up the idea of a shore posting, he just knew from experience that she would eventually regret making a decision if she allowed her own fear and guilt to cloud her judgement.

Kate smiled at Dutchy, "Staying on as XO...you're probably right. I'll think about it." His idea had a lot of merit and she warmed to the idea of staying XO.

"I know I'm right." Dutchy replied, quite proud of himself again. "Plus, the team is going to need you." Kate looked at Dutchy a little confused, so he continued, "Well, with me leaving 2Dads needs someone who will keep him in line, and he listens to you. You and I know Bird might not look like much, but she's made of the right stuff and she'll need someone to encourage her, push her in the right directions. Plus you're one of the few people that RO actually responds to. If your struggling, and I don't think you will, but you'll have Charge with you, at least for a little while any way."

"Why, where is Charge going?" Kate asked astonished. She had thought the only person more committed to Hammersley than Mike was Charge, and the idea of him leaving shocked her.

Dutchy realised that Kate hadn't been out with the crew much in the last couple of weeks and as such she had missed the new direction Charge wanted to take his life in. "He was talking about it before everything happened. His son has a posting over in WA. He and Lani had their marriage annulled, but are together and are looking into what it would take to get some engineering work in the mines over there. If Sally moves back there to be with her family that might just seal the deal for him."

Kate shook her head in disbelief and the number of changes happening. She had been so pre-occupied with Jim and Mike that she had not realised that Lani was still in Charge's life and that he was contemplating leaving the Navy. "Well I guess there are no other options then, I need to say on." If Charge and her did leave now it would be a complete set of new Senior Sailors with a crew of Juniors that were probably still going to be in shock, and definitely still grieving.

"I'm glad you agree." Dutchy said confidently, glad that he had been able to talk her down from the panicked episode she had been having earlier. Dutchy then looked inside the bar to the rest of the crew and realised they should go inside. "What do you think, ready to join them?" He asked with a re-assuring smile.

Kate wasn't sure if she would have another chance to talk like this with Dutchy, at least not soon anyway, and there was one last thing that needed to be said. "Dutchy, thank you, for everything. I'm not sure what I would have done..."

"Kate, I'll still have e-mail when I'm away." Dutchy said trying to re-assure her. He also knew that he might need some help from her if the flashbacks started again when he was back in Afghanistan. With a wry smile he added, "Plus, I think you're forgetting, watching my XO's back is a big part of my job."

Kate laughed at his attempt to put all of this down to his job, "Well, I think you went above and beyond the call of duty, not sure how I'd formulate it into a commendation for you though."

"Yeah, I think the fewer people that know about all this the better." Dutchy laughed, wondering how people would react if they found out he had been giving advice to the X about her love life and career.

"Agreed." Kate said with a serious tone, but a hint of a smile. "Good luck Dutchy." She added with some sadness to her voice. When she came to the wake she had not expected to be saying another goodbye, but at least this time it was for a good cause.

"You too Ma'am." Dutchy said trying to put some formality back into the conversation, as they stood up he realised that words alone were not enough, using his free arm he pulled her in for a hug, "You'll be right X." He said before pulling back, "And who knows, next time I see you I might be able to tell your kids how Uncle Dutchy helped to get their parent's together." He added with a grin, wanting to lighten the mood and just hoping Kate wouldn't hit him.

"Uncle Dutchy?" Kate enquired before thinking about it, "I guess you've earned it." She acknowledged, instantly liking the idea that Dutchy would always be there for her children if things were to work out for her. "Now let's get inside," Kate offered as they started to walk inside, pausing for a moment when she reached the door, "Dutchy, stay safe." She added seriously as Dutchy nodded.

Mike had been waiting for Kate to finish talking to Dutchy. Once upon a time he might have been jealous of his bosun, but now he was just glad that Kate had a friend she could talk to that they both trusted. He watched as they started moving inside and he walked over to meet them. Nodding to Dutchy as he continued inside, he turned his attention to Kate, "You ok?" Mike asked concerned when he reached her.

"Yes and no," Kate replied with a half smile. "I know we need to talk, but we need to do this first," Kate said, motioning to where the rest of the crew were. "Are you able to...I mean after this...tonight..." Kate stuttered, not sure how to ask her question.

Mike knew exactly what Kate was trying to ask, it was exactly what he was hoping she would ask, "I went home and packed a bag, I'll come over and I can stay." Mike said, a smile forming as he watched Kate become slightly embarrassed at how transparent she must have been, "It's like I said this morning, I just want to be around you, be with you."

"We'd better join the others," Kate said with a slight smile as they made a move to head inside.

As the evening wore on the crew continued to reminisce and tell stories, while Kate had time to think. The more she thought about it, the more Dutchy had been right about everything. If she left for a shore posting now she would probably regret it one day, but she still wasn't sure about taking on the CO's position. She knew the time for a shore posting would come, but for now this was something she had to do. He had also been right about her and Mike. Mike wasn't going to pressure her and was going to give her as much time as she wanted to grieve, but the decision to be with him was one that she should be making with her heart, not her head.

Kate's train of thought was interrupted when Mike leaned over to her, "You right to go?"

To Be Continued


	8. Chapter 8

_Authors Notes: We are getting close to the end now, one more chapter after this one. Thanks to everyone for hanging in there :)_

_Feedback/Comments are always appreciated. Enjoy :)_

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Chapter 8 - Mike and Kate

Both Mike and Kate had left the party thinking they would talk, talk about their relationship, their future and the offer of a promotion for Kate, but as soon as they arrived back at Kate's place, neither knew what to say and both remained silent. Neither knew how to talk about the elephants in the room, and in Mike's case he didn't know whether or not he should.

He didn't know if it was too soon to talk, about any of the elephants, and so decided to leave it to Kate. He didn't want to push her, and reasoned with himself that she would talk about it when she was ready. "Coffee?" He asked breaking the silence as Kate moved toward the couch, too exhausted to speak so she nodded in response.

As Mike made his way to the kitchen and started making the coffee's he glanced back at Kate. She looked tired and defeated and his heart went out to her. He desperately wanted her to talk, but didn't know how to start the conversation. After what felt like an eternity the water boiled and Mike made the coffee's, returning to join Kate on the couch, placing the hot mugs on the coffee table in front of them. As he sat down next to her, he plucked up some courage and asked "Everything ok with you and Dutchy?"

"Yeah, we're ok. He tried to give me a pep talk to take the promotion, but..." Kate's voice trailed off and when Mike did not respond straight away she continued, "Did you know he's leaving Hammersley?" Kate asked, realising that Mike may not know given that Dutchy didn't talk about it again for the rest of the night.

"Mmm," Mike nodded indicating that he knew, "They told me as I was leaving Navcom. Can't say I'm happy about it, but I guess it's not my ship anymore, and with no CO, there was no-one to object." Mike knew he had to bite the bullet about the promotion at some point, and figured that now was as good a time as any, "Did his pep talk work? Have you thought anymore about the promotion?"

"Sort of," Kate admitted before taking a breath and continuing, "Even if I thought I could do it, Dutchy won't be there, neither will you, Charge will be leaving soon, and Swain..." Kate said with tears starting to reappear again in her eyes. "What if I get out there and need help? It will be all new senior sailors, what are they going to think if their female CO screws up or has some sort of emotional break down on them?" Kate asked, not really expecting an answer.

The truth was that after talking to Dutchy she had been prepared to stay on as XO, but throughout the night all his talk about regrets had been playing on her mind and she wondered if she would regret not taking the promotion.

Mike took a moment and considered what Kate was saying. She was right, she would be a new CO, which in itself would be a learning curve but it would be even steeper with a complete set of new senior sailors learning to work as a team. He knew that given the situation Navcom would be assigning some sailors with experience and she would have been able to trust them to do their jobs, but he also knew that wasn't what she was worried about.

As a CO, sometimes you need someone to talk to that you can trust. For him, it had been Kate, and before she came on board it had been Swain or Buffer. That's when the penny dropped for Mike, "Why don't you give Buffer a call, see if he wants to come back? He's probably going stir crazy on a frigate anyway." Mike suggested to Kate.

Kate's head shot up, "How do you do that?" She said snapping at him.

Mike heart dropped, he was taken aback by Kate's reaction. Up until then, in fact all night, she had been quiet. But now she was almost yelling at him and he had no idea why. "Ahh...umm... Do what exactly?" he asked confused.

"I have spent all evening trying to figure out what I should do. Dutchy gave me a pretty good pep talk and the best he could get me to agree to was to stay on as XO. You come over here and in one sentence you have me believing that I could actually take on the CO's position." Kate wasn't in an angry rage, but her voice was raised and she was definitely frustrated.

She had been going over this the whole night, and when it came to taking the CO's position, the one thing she couldn't get past was having no-one in the senior sailors group that she could trust with any kind of personal issues. She hadn't thought about Buffer, but it made perfect sense. She trusted him on a personal and professional level, and she knew that when he found out how many changes there were he would want to come back, even if it was only temporarily to help out.

Going by Kate's tone, Mike was starting to get his apology ready. He didn't want to have a fight with her, today was not the day. As he was getting his apology right in his head before he started it suddenly clicked that getting her to believe in herself shouldn't be something he is apologising for, "Wait...I'm...Is this a good thing or a bad thing?" He asked confused.

Kate chuckled a little at Mike's response. They had been on edge around each other for so long now that they had almost forgotten how to have a normal conversation, "It's a good thing I guess." She admitted with a smile.

"Why don't you sleep on it tonight. Things always seem clearer in the morning." Mike offered. He knew Kate was in no state of mind to make her decision now, and truthfully he was just happy that she seemed better than when she left Navcom and that she was at least considering the offer now.

Kate thought about it for a few moments. There was so much she needed to deal with, and she didn't know if any of it would seem clearer in the morning. "And if it doesn't?" She asked quietly.

"Then sleep on it again tomorrow night, and the night after, and the night after." Mike offered turning to face Kate who looked at him with a somewhat confused look on her face, "You have a week to make your decision." Mike explained with a slight smile.

"Sounds like a plan." Kate stated as Mike nodded in agreement. As they sat in silence drinking their coffee's Kate contemplated the rollercoaster she had been on in the past twelve hours. Earlier in the day her and Mike had admitted their feelings for each other, then throughout the service she could feel him supporting her, even when he wasn't next to her.

She had been able to speak to Jim's parents and find some closure, and maybe even help them deal with their grief a little bit. She had then been offered a promotion and after initially feeling completely overwhelmed, she was now beginning to feel as though it may be possible. Exhaustion was beginning to take its toll, but there was one last thing that needed to be discussed before the night ended. Dutchy had told her to make any decisions about Mike with her heart not her head, and it was about time she did that.

For the first time in a long time, she believed that she could have what she had always wanted. She wanted to be with Mike, she wanted a future with him, and this time she would do whatever it took to make things work. No-one and nothing would get in the way of things this time, including the Navy and its rules. With her resolve strengthening, she reached over to him and slid her hand down his arm until it was resting in between his two hands. It was a simple gesture, but to both of them it meant so much. Kate's nerves were settled when she felt Mike's hands tighten around hers and she knew that he was feeling the same way she was. She could have stayed as she was all night, but her mind began to race and there were questions she needed answers to first. Even though she knew what she wanted, she was not entirely sure of his long term intentions.

Breaking the silence, Kate took a deep breath before beginning, "Mike, twelve months ago I thought I was watching you being blown up, and after the last couple of days I can't help but to think that we haven't really made the most of our opportunities." Kate said as her voice faded while she tried to contain her emotions.

"Kate, we don't have to do this tonight." Mike said interrupting Kate. He didn't want to rush her, and he didn't want to have an emotional conversation on a day that had been very emotional, especially for Kate.

"No, I want to get this out." Kate said with some conviction returning in her voice. "If there is one thing I learnt from Jim it's not to waste time. I know the timing's not great, and I know we are both still dealing with a lot of grief, but if we wait...the timing never seems right for us. Mike, I want to be with you. Not with me upstairs and you on the couch, or taking a holiday with separate bedrooms, or just taking it a day at a time and seeing how it goes. I want my future to be with you."

"That's what I want too..." Mike started before Kate turned to face Mike, using her free hand to place a finger on his lips to stop him from talking.

"Let me finish," It was the first time she had managed to look at him since placing her hand on his arm, and looking at him now, with her fingers on his lips, her breath hitched as she had to stop herself from leaning forward to kiss him. As she looked into his beautiful blue eyes she could see the love he had for her and she suddenly wondered why she had ever doubted it. But she had loved him for ten years and loving him was easy, making it work was the hard part. She was still not sure of what he wanted from the relationship, and there were things that needed to be asked and said before any of this could go any further.

Allowing her fingers to trail down his chin before coming to rest on his chest, "Mike, you know what I want. I want everything, marriage, kids, the works. I'm not saying I want them tomorrow, but I do want them in my future, with you," Kate said pausing as she fought a losing battle to contain her emotions and nerves. _What if he did not want the same?_ The question looped in her brain, almost causing her to chicken out. Unable to look at him in case the answer she hoped for was not the one she saw in his eyes, she lowered her head as the tears started falling down her face, "but I don't know what it is you want, and if you don't want the same things then I would rather know now. So I guess my question is, what do you want out of this?"

"With you," Mike said pausing as he reached over to lift Kate's face up, using his thumb to wipe away some of the tears that had fallen, "With you, I want everything. I just never talk about it, because I've never allowed myself to believe that it could happen." Mike's voice was beginning to crack under the emotions of his confession, but the thought of being with Kate for the rest of his life gave him the strength to remain in control.

"Really?" Kate asked unsure if what she was hearing was true.

"Really." Mike reassured Kate with a smile spreading across his face. "I want to spend Easter Saturday night setting up the backyard for the kids to have the best Easter Egg hunt. I want to lift our youngest up to put the Angel on top of the Christmas tree, read them T'was the Night before Christmas while they fall asleep on Christmas Eve. Then stay up with you watching Carols while we eat the Cookies and Milk they have left out for Santa because let's face it, they're our kids and they'll probably know if we just put it back. And for all the times in between I want to help them with their homework, teach them how to make their beds properly so you don't always have to do it, and everything else that being a good Dad entails."

Kate couldn't help but smile at Mike's dream, but she also knew that dreams don't always come true. "It's a nice dream Mike, but reality is always different. You'll be back at sea, probably on a frigate which means you will miss..." Mike cut Kate off before she could continue.

"If I have you and a couple of kids at home, there is no way I will go back to sea. If it's my career that you are worried about, I hear that it is possible to get promotions with shore postings, and if I don't then so be it. If either of us get itchy feet and want to be back on the water we can hire a boat and head out to sea for a couple of days." Mike's mind was in overdrive and he was already thinking about holidays they could take on the water that their kids would enjoy. He was disrupted from his thoughts when he felt Kate move.

Kate wondered why it had taken her and Mike so long to have this conversation. She had been so scared that he would say he didn't want children that she had never been able to bring herself to ask him outright. But now that she had asked him, and he wanted the same life as her, she really didn't want to wait anymore. Leaving one hand on his chest, she removed her other hand from his, placing it instead behind his neck. As she moved up to kiss him she could feel him moving to meet her half way and couldn't hide her smile. It was a simple yet intimate kiss. It wasn't filled with the passion or heat of some of their previous encounters; it wasn't the day for it, and there would be plenty of time for that later.

As they broke apart Kate looked directly into Mike's eyes, "I love you." She said simply.

"I love you more." Mike said with a smile. It might have been the first time they had said it to each other, but he knew it wouldn't be the last. He reached up to Kate's face pretending to use his thumb to tuck some hair behind Kate's ear, when really he was just looking for an excuse to touch her. It had been too long since he was able to touch her like this, and up until this morning he thought he may never touch her again. Today was not the day to consummate their confession, and before the awkwardness could develop Mike said softly, "It's been a long day, why don't we get some sleep. Tomorrow sounds like a pretty good day to make a fresh start."

"Sounds good," Kate agreed, moving to place her head against Mike's chest, while he wrapped his arms around her. She was exhausted and unable to move from the couch so allowed herself to become comfortable against Mike, slowly letting her eyes close as her day drew to a close. Mike knew that Kate was too tired to walk up the stairs to her bed so allowed her to lie against him and felt the change in her breathing as she fell asleep.

He rose from the couch slowly, trying not to wake her, picked her up carefully and breathed in her scent as he carried her upstairs. Walking with his precious cargo in his arms, he realised this probably wouldn't be the last time he would be doing this and as such made a mental note to suggest they move into a single level house. As he placed her on the bed he took a moment to admire the sight in front of him.

He couldn't believe how beautiful she looked and how lucky he was that he would get to wake up next to her, hopefully for the rest of his life. As he curled up next to her, placing one arm around her body, a sense of calmness and inner peace washed over him. The last time he remembered being this at ease with the world was the last time he was in a bed with Kate, something he did not think would ever occur again. As he fell asleep he didn't know exactly what his future held, but he knew Kate would be in it, and that was enough for now.

To Be Continued.


	9. Chapter 9

_Authors Notes: Just as the show had to come to an end, so does this story...Thankyou to everyone who has taken the time to read/follow/review this story. I hope you enjoy the final chapter :)_

* * *

Chapter 9 - Marshall, Mike and Kate

It had been a little over 6 months since the explosion and Mike had settled in his shore posting and seemed to be able to handle all issues that came to hand. _'Seemed' _thought Captain Marshall as he walked towards Mike's office and overheard him on the phone. Whoever he was speaking to, he didn't sound happy. Marshall watched Mike who was hunched over, head down. Not wanting to disturb him and curious as to who was on the other end of the phone line, Marshall decided to hover in the door until Mike noticed him. While he was waiting, it became clear who he was talking to. _'They are still the same' _he chucked to himself.

"Look...I said I'd sort it...ok...I said OK..." as Mike looked up he saw he wasn't alone. Feeling tired, frustrated, and now uncomfortable that his CO was hearing a personal call, he quickly finished the conversation, "Listen, I have to go, I'll see you tonight...Yes, I'll sort it...You too, bye." Mike let out an exasperated sigh as he hung up the phone before standing to greet his superior, "Sir, something I can help you with?" He and Marshall may have been friends, but something about him still made Mike feel like a seaman at times.

"No, just letting you know I'm here, sorting out a replacement for Captain Bailey. Sounds like it's you that needs some assistance, something you need sorted out?" Marshall said with a certain smugness to his tone as he took a seat opposite Mike, motioning for Mike to sit down too. Over 5 years ago when he had assigned Kate to Hammersley he had hoped, well if he was honest with himself, he had prayed they wouldn't kill each other. He had never imagined, not even in his wildest dreams, that they would end up married.

Mike thought about Marshall's question for a second, "Any chance we could crash sail Hammersley?" He asked hopefully, "Their CO is driving me crazy at home."

"Honeymoon over already Mike?" Marshall replied chuckling. He knew what they could both be like and was glad he and never ended up in the middle of one of their arguments.

Mike nodded "She's just a little...frustrated at how long the renovations are taking." He explained. Mike was frustrated himself, but between their wedding, Kate being away and his extra duties at Navcom, he just hadn't had the time to do as much as he wanted to. Buffer, who had returned as Kate's Bosun, Ryan, Bird, even 2Dads and RO had been around to help, but it still seemed like every time they turned around there was something else to do.

"Mike, you buy a house with your new wife that needs fixing, and sooner or later, they are going to want it fixed. I still don't understand why you moved, I thought Kate's place was in that new area down by the lake?" Marshall asked, both amused at Mike's predicament, and confused as to why he moved. He had never seen Kate's place but knew the area it was in, and most of the houses in that area were new and quite nice.

"It was, but she was renting, this place it bigger, single level. It's just easier long term this way." Mike tried to explain without giving away too many details. He didn't really want to tell his superior that they wanted a bigger house to fill it with children, and a single level house so that it was easy to carry his wife to bed after she fell asleep on the couch, _or any other reason_.

"I guess my invitation to the wedding must have been lost in the mail?" Marshall asked trying to hide his smirk. He had heard what happened and was enjoying toying with Mike.

Mike ran his hand through his hair nervously, "Ahh...There weren't any invitations. It was supposed to be just us." He explained, but obviously Marshall had heard what happened.

"What happened then, I heard half the Navy were there?" Marshall asked amused as how nervous Mike was.

"Well, Kate, both of us, wanted Ryan there, that's how Maxine found out and she wanted to come, something about building bridges. Then Ryan wanted to ask his girlfriend and Kate didn't mind, she's the Chefo on Hammersley," Mike was about to continue when Marshall cut him off.

"The young seaman Kate is trying to get into the medics program?" Marshall asked for clarification.

"Yeah, that's her." Mike confirmed before continuing, "And once she found out, well it wasn't long before the rest of the Hammersley crew found out, they told some of the old crew, and well, word sort of spread." Everyone who had served in the Navy knew how quickly news could spread, especially when that news was a former CO and XO getting married. When that CO was Mike '_married to the sea' _Flynn, and the XO was Kate _'Princess Perfect' _McGregor, every man and his dog turned up to see if it was true.

Marshall couldn't hold it any longer and let out a chuckle, "Kate must have loved that." He knew that she was a very private person, and although he would have liked to see them get married, he was on a job at the time, and was glad he wasn't anywhere near Cairns when Kate found out how many people were there.

"Not really," Mike joined Marshall in letting out a bit of a laugh as he remembered that morning, "but I managed to convince her it really was just the two of us on what happened to be a very crowded beach."

"Smooth talking." Marshall acknowledged, raising an eyebrow. He wondered exactly how much of that conversation Mike wouldn't repeat, and how he really managed to smooth things over with Kate.

"More like fast talking. How long are you up here for, Sir?" Mike asked trying to change the conversation. It was good to see Marshall again, but couldn't help but feel that he was being mocked.

Marshall realized that Mike had had enough and moved on, "Until the replacement is sorted. Just so you know you might be getting a tap on the shoulder later. I've put your name forward and there haven't been too many objections so far." Marshall said as Mike looked at Marshall to stunned to talk. _Was he really being considered for promotion to Captain? How long had he been at Navcom? Surely there were others more suited?_ "You don't need to look so surprised Mike, you've done well since taking over here. It would be a big jump but you'd have support and you've always landed on your feet before."

Marshall looked at Mike to respond but nothing came out of his mouth, so he took his cue and stood to leave "OK, I'll leave your to think about it, I'll be around later if you want to talk." He said walking out of the office.

* * *

A few hours later, still trying to comprehend what had transpired in his office earlier, Mike was at his desk with his head down working through his files when he felt some-one looking at him. He looked up to see Kate walking in, his initial smile replaced by confusion when he saw the look on her face.

"This is all your fault you know." Kate spat at Mike walking into his office without so much as a hello.

Mike had no idea what he had done this time but really didn't want to have a fight at work. Hammersley had been in for 3 days and although he had been looking forward to seeing Kate, it seemed like all they had done was fight. They had also made up after each fight, but it was taking its toll on Mike and his frustration was growing, "Kate, I told you earlier, the plumber is coming tomorrow, the electrician will be there next week, so will the builder and I will start the painting as soon as they are done."

"Mike, I'm not talking about the house." Kate said dismissing Mike's statement.

Mike was completely confused and beginning to get angry, he genuinely had no idea what he had done. The only other thing she could be angry at was work, "Hammersley is in for engine repairs, other than that I'm not really sure what else can be my fault." Mike leant back in his chair and watched as Kate's body language changed slightly.

She placed one hand over her stomach and let slip the slightest of smiles. "I'm pregnant Mike." She said softly, knowing that he may need a minute to respond. She had known for a few hours and was still shocked. They had talked endlessly about having children, but never really talked about when, and neither of them were expecting it to be so soon. Not that it hadn't been through a lack of practising, it was just...unexpectedly soon.

Mike wasn't entirely sure whether his ears were deceiving him. Kate was pregnant? They were having their first child? Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that it might explain the mood swings since she had been home, was she really pregnant? Coming out of his shocked state, Mike finally stammered out, "Pregnant. As in pregnant, pregnant?" He asked beginning to smile.

"Pregnant, pregnant." Kate confirmed, relieved to see a smile. Before she knew it, Mike was out from behind his desk picking her up and spinning around, calling out with a few celebratory cries as he did. As they continued to celebrate neither noticed Marshall entering Mike's office.

"Mike, Kate, good to see you again." Marshall announced his presence. Instinctively Mike and Kate took a few steps apart before Marshall continued, "Mike, I do expect a certain level of decorum from my senior officers, try and keep the yahooing to a minimum?"

"Yes Sir. Ah Sir, while you are here, I am going to need some leave in 9...?" Mike paused looking to Kate for confirmation.

"7 months, Sir." Kate replied. "You are also going to need to find a new CO for Hammersley, effective immediately." She announced

"Kate, you don't need to..." Mike started before being cut off by Kate.

"No, I want to, I want to be at home, with you." It might have been a spur of the moment decision, but she knew it was the right one. She didn't want to be at sea anymore, she wanted to be at home, with Mike, with her family.

Marshall already knew what was happening, he just wanted to hear one of them say it, "One of you two want to fill in the blanks for me here?"

"Sir," Mike started, a proud smile spreading across his face, "My wife has just informed me that she is pregnant." He couldn't take his eyes off Kate, who was looking back at him with her own smile. Both of them too overcome with joy to care what their superior thought.

Marshall looked from Mike to Kate and back to Mike, he had never seen them like this. He was truly happy for them, then a thought hit him – a child that was half Mike, half Kate could well be a force to be reckoned with. "Are you telling me that in what, 7 months there is going to be a little Flynn running around this place?" He asked, hoping that he would he well and truly retired if their child was to ever join the Navy.

"That's about the size of it Sir." Mike confirmed, his smile growing.

"Well then, congratulations. God help the rest of us." Marshall shook his head as he left the office, leaving the expectant parents together. As he turned back, he saw through the window as Mike pulled Kate closer for a hug, before pulling back to kiss her, neither able to stop smiling.

When he first introduced them 5 years earlier in that same office he never, ever imagined that this would be the outcome. He had hoped that Mike would learn to play by the rules a little more, and that Kate would learn to use the grey areas. Mike on a shore posting, Kate a CO of a patrol boat. Married and expecting their first child had not been part of the plan, but looking at them now, Marshall could not help but think that although unexpected, this was a very nice outcome indeed. He chuckled to himself again as he walked away. A naval officer in the making, half McGregor, half Flynn, _'may god help us indeed'_.

_fin._


End file.
